My politically incorrect list of fashion mistakes.
I'm sure there are more eloquent ways of saying all of the following...but hey that's no fun.
And my blog...my rules ;)
Now these observations apply to every price range of clothing. It's not about buying pricier clothes, it's about wearing stuff that compliments your body no matter what your size or your budget.
Side note: If you're easily offended skip the blog today...you've been warned.
Just because they make it in your size doesn't mean you should wear it.
Now let me clarify that this doesn't just apply to plus sized clothing, this applies to all the WOMEN I see in the girls section at Target, and Limited Too.
I'm a firm believer of: Not all clothes should be made in all sizes.
Big woman+little purse= Even bigger woman.
Your purse should at least be 1/2 the size of your gluteus maximus.
(The only exception is evening wear).
Now speaking of evening wear.
Be classy.
I have nothing against exposed skin.
(I'm big fan of it done right).
But pick one half.
Legs or boobs.
And not ALL of either one.
Colors are nice.
They're even nicer broken up.
Unless you like to look like fruit.
This one is simple.
Wear a bra.
Even if you don't need one.
No one needs to see that.
And ESPECIALLY wear one if you need it.
No one wants to see your thong-or your crack.
(No matter how pretty and sparkly it is...your thong that is.)
Pull your pants up and invest in a belt or alterations.
Stuffed sausage is a good look only if it's on a plate.
Go up a size to look a size smaller.
(Trust me on this one! It REALLY works!)
I'm only saying this because I care.
To all the ladies over 30.
Please don't try to look like you're 18.
It's just plain gross.
And highly embarrassing if you have kids.
I can write about this one all day.
Mom jeans.
Please don't wear jeans that sit below your boobs.
There is a happy place between crack jeans and mom jeans.
(And you'll look 10 lbs. smaller!)
When your toes creep off the side of your sandal or your open toe shoes it's time to accept that your bigger than you would like to be and visit a shoe store.
If your toes are touching the floor then why even wear a shoe?
Stop borrowing your skinny friends/sisters/sister in laws clothes.
No one wants their clothes back one size larger.
If it looks like a tent on the hanger it looks like a tent on you.
(Unless you weigh less than 80 lbs.)
No one appreciates the shirts with the rude messages.
If you enjoy it so much have your significant other wear it at home and stare at them all night long.
Mesh.
Nothing more to say about that.
If you own it. Burn it.
Little House on the Prairie.
It's a show.
(One I actually enjoy a lot.)
Not a style, unless you're under 5.
Long nails.
The type that doesn't let you pick up a piece of paper on the floor.
That's wrong, especially if they curve.
That's just gross.
I have a lot more but I'll save it for later.
But let me say this...
I've been there done that more times than I'd like to admit.
We live, and we learn.
(And I'm sure I'm not done making my fashion mistakes!)
In the mean time if there is anything too short, too long, too tight, too baggy, too low, too high make some changes.
You don't have to get rid of it.
You just need to change it to fit you.
You can add and remove.
Be creative...
Just not too creative.
You might make the list ;)
I'm sure there are more eloquent ways of saying all of the following...but hey that's no fun.
And my blog...my rules ;)
Now these observations apply to every price range of clothing. It's not about buying pricier clothes, it's about wearing stuff that compliments your body no matter what your size or your budget.
Side note: If you're easily offended skip the blog today...you've been warned.
Just because they make it in your size doesn't mean you should wear it.
Now let me clarify that this doesn't just apply to plus sized clothing, this applies to all the WOMEN I see in the girls section at Target, and Limited Too.
I'm a firm believer of: Not all clothes should be made in all sizes.
Big woman+little purse= Even bigger woman.
Your purse should at least be 1/2 the size of your gluteus maximus.
(The only exception is evening wear).
Now speaking of evening wear.
Be classy.
I have nothing against exposed skin.
(I'm big fan of it done right).
But pick one half.
Legs or boobs.
And not ALL of either one.
Colors are nice.
They're even nicer broken up.
Unless you like to look like fruit.
This one is simple.
Wear a bra.
Even if you don't need one.
No one needs to see that.
And ESPECIALLY wear one if you need it.
No one wants to see your thong-or your crack.
(No matter how pretty and sparkly it is...your thong that is.)
Pull your pants up and invest in a belt or alterations.
Stuffed sausage is a good look only if it's on a plate.
Go up a size to look a size smaller.
(Trust me on this one! It REALLY works!)
I'm only saying this because I care.
To all the ladies over 30.
Please don't try to look like you're 18.
It's just plain gross.
And highly embarrassing if you have kids.
I can write about this one all day.
Mom jeans.
Please don't wear jeans that sit below your boobs.
There is a happy place between crack jeans and mom jeans.
(And you'll look 10 lbs. smaller!)
When your toes creep off the side of your sandal or your open toe shoes it's time to accept that your bigger than you would like to be and visit a shoe store.
If your toes are touching the floor then why even wear a shoe?
Stop borrowing your skinny friends/sisters/sister in laws clothes.
No one wants their clothes back one size larger.
If it looks like a tent on the hanger it looks like a tent on you.
(Unless you weigh less than 80 lbs.)
No one appreciates the shirts with the rude messages.
If you enjoy it so much have your significant other wear it at home and stare at them all night long.
Mesh.
Nothing more to say about that.
If you own it. Burn it.
Little House on the Prairie.
It's a show.
(One I actually enjoy a lot.)
Not a style, unless you're under 5.
Long nails.
The type that doesn't let you pick up a piece of paper on the floor.
That's wrong, especially if they curve.
That's just gross.
I have a lot more but I'll save it for later.
But let me say this...
I've been there done that more times than I'd like to admit.
We live, and we learn.
(And I'm sure I'm not done making my fashion mistakes!)
In the mean time if there is anything too short, too long, too tight, too baggy, too low, too high make some changes.
You don't have to get rid of it.
You just need to change it to fit you.
You can add and remove.
Be creative...
Just not too creative.
You might make the list ;)
I must admit that I have been guilty of the sandals that are too short one.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely agree with the evening gown one too. I'm eagerly looking forward to going to a broadway style show soon and plan to take my date out to a fancy dinner. Ladies...just be classy, we'd like to simply enjoy your company, and all the other men gawking at you doesn't help...not to mention showing off TOO much just says you have something for sale...and not all of us are in the market like that.
Definitely agree with all of em...I'll remember not to wear my sparkly thong around you.
-Chris
I totally live by the rule that one end should be more covered than the other if you are showing off skin! Short skirt plus a top that covers you up. Otherwise you could look like a hooker! I go by the rule of one size bigger to make you look smaller. Plus you feel better too. Tight pants make you not only look fat but feel fat.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that I like to wear on your no no list is prairie patterns. The small floral print on modern style clothes. I'm a sucker for the romantic look
Thank you for cropping my head out of the picture of me in the purple dress with the googley eyes on it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, just to clarify: are you saying my purse should be at least half the size of one buttcheek, or half the size of my whole butt?
ReplyDeleteYou've got it down Lindsey! Old patterns with a modern twist is the best! It's the Prairie dresses with the old print that looks outdated and ages a person so much.
ReplyDeleteSarah the purse rules doesn't apply to you! It said "big woman"...and you are not big. But it the rule is at least the size of one butt cheek :)
hahahaha horrible fashion is so fun!