My politically incorrect list of fashion mistakes.

I'm sure there are more eloquent ways of saying all of the following...but hey that's no fun.
And my blog...my rules ;)

Now these observations apply to every price range of clothing. It's not about buying pricier clothes, it's about wearing stuff that compliments your body no matter what your size or your budget.

Side note: If you're easily offended skip the blog today...you've been warned.

Just because they make it in your size doesn't mean you should wear it.
Now let me clarify that this doesn't just apply to plus sized clothing, this applies to all the WOMEN I see in the girls section at Target, and Limited Too.

I'm a firm believer of: Not all clothes should be made in all sizes.

Big woman+little purse= Even bigger woman.
Your purse should at least be 1/2 the size of your gluteus maximus.
(The only exception is evening wear).

Now speaking of evening wear.
Be classy.
I have nothing against exposed skin.
(I'm big fan of it done right).
But pick one half.
Legs or boobs.
And not ALL of either one.

Colors are nice.
They're even nicer broken up.
Unless you like to look like fruit.

This one is simple.
Wear a bra.
Even if you don't need one.
No one needs to see that.
And ESPECIALLY wear one if you need it.

No one wants to see your thong-or your crack.
(No matter how pretty and sparkly it is...your thong that is.)
Pull your pants up and invest in a belt or alterations.

Stuffed sausage is a good look only if it's on a plate.
Go up a size to look a size smaller.
(Trust me on this one! It REALLY works!)
I'm only saying this because I care.

To all the ladies over 30.
Please don't try to look like you're 18.
It's just plain gross.
And highly embarrassing if you have kids.

I can write about this one all day.
Mom jeans.
Please don't wear jeans that sit below your boobs.
There is a happy place between crack jeans and mom jeans.
(And you'll look 10 lbs. smaller!)

When your toes creep off the side of your sandal or your open toe shoes it's time to accept that your bigger than you would like to be and visit a shoe store.
If your toes are touching the floor then why even wear a shoe?

Stop borrowing your skinny friends/sisters/sister in laws clothes.
No one wants their clothes back one size larger.

If it looks like a tent on the hanger it looks like a tent on you.
(Unless you weigh less than 80 lbs.)

No one appreciates the shirts with the rude messages.
If you enjoy it so much have your significant other wear it at home and stare at them all night long.

Mesh.
Nothing more to say about that.
If you own it. Burn it.

Little House on the Prairie.
It's a show.
(One I actually enjoy a lot.)
Not a style, unless you're under 5.

Long nails.
The type that doesn't let you pick up a piece of paper on the floor.
That's wrong, especially if they curve.
That's just gross.

I have a lot more but I'll save it for later.
But let me say this...
I've been there done that more times than I'd like to admit.
We live, and we learn.
(And I'm sure I'm not done making my fashion mistakes!)

In the mean time if there is anything too short, too long, too tight, too baggy, too low, too high make some changes.
You don't have to get rid of it.
You just need to change it to fit you.
You can add and remove.
Be creative...
Just not too creative.
You might make the list ;)

Q&A :)

Q: Hair: To keep it healthy looking.

(I'm guessing you don't care if it's really healthy. Just that it looks like a million bucks.)

A: So I just learned about this a little while ago and it made my life! Demi-Permanent/gloss hair color. It comes in every color under the sun and it also comes in clear if you don't want to mess your color up. Think top coat for your nails. Nail polish looks good with out it but looks amazing with that top coat on, and many flaws don't show anymore. As always talk to a professional but for me this has been such an amazing thing (thanks for my amazing friend/hair stylist)!

Q: Skin care-being a student my skin looks ragged and stressed. Need something to look less blemished and gross.

A: I'm obsessed with skin care but have no time for most skin regiments. I wish I did because I would love to have the time to spend hours pampering my skin. Oh the feeling of one lotion absorbing into my skin while another lays there smoothly in it's jar yelling, "me next, me next!" oooooooh to fantasize. But back to reality. My skin care regiment consists of two wipes. Yup wipes, pads, simple, simple, simple. Wipe wipe wipe and we're done! Now tons of time and money went into this one over the years. And finally I found something I love love love and takes NO time. And has delivered great results!

Step 1: Clean face.

Step 2: And MY entire skin care routine...(druuuuuuuum roll). Rub across face, neck, decollete, followed by the top of your hands. And you're done!

Step 3: Sun block.

SPF.

ALWAYS.

EVERYDAY.

CAN'T say it enough.

Q: Eyeshadows. I feel like I'm lost on how to apply them.

A: How does something so little make such a big difference.

For the good and for bad.

I mean have you seen eye shadow gone bad?

Sometimes it looks like someone somehow ran into two door knobs with their eyes-at once.

And sometimes it looks like (excuse my language) that a rainbow pooped on someones eyes.

Like literally.

I've just come to the conclusion that some people don't own mirrors.

Because there is no way someone who owns a mirror leaves the house looking like that.

Mean.

Possibly.

But someone needed to say it.

Ok now that that's out of my system...

Eyeshadows.

I can write pages about them. And I might someday.

But for now we'll stick to what I learned in English class.

K

I

S

S

Yup, it works for pretty much everything :)

Here are my top tips.

1) Use a color wheel.

Find your eye color and look at the colors right across from it.

Those are YOUR colors.

Those are the colors that will make your eyes pop the most.

Pick your favorite in those colors and make it your everyday shadow.

The smaller your eye is the lighter you should go (there are exceptions, but this is generally the rule).

(Oh yeah doesn't mean florescent :)

2) You don't really NEED more that three colors.

A) Light color to wear on your brow bone.

B) Medium color to wear on eyelid.

C) Dark color to wear on your crease.

(Keep this on the outer crease part of your eye, don't bring it towards your nose. Brush from the center of your eye in the direction of your ear. Stopping at the end of your eye.)

And the key to it all?

A GOOD BRUSH! (This doesn't mean $$$, Target has some great options!)

Don't EVER apply shadow with those sponge brushes.

(Sorry Mom I know how much you loved your brushes. But aren't you happy now that I made you throw it away.)

And BLEND.

There you go...BEAUTIFUL.

3) If you like bold colors, pick ONE.

Gold alone brushed lightly across the eyelid looks stunning.

Gold caked one...Not so much.

In this area, less is more.

And last but not least...

4) NEVER wear eyeshadow with no mascara.

NEVER.

And there you have it ladies...I hope you enjoyed this blog because I loved writing it!

I hope you have more questions because that was way too much fun!

After I had my first son I was the biggest I'd ever been plus I had a colicky kid and didn't get any rest or sleep. My self esteem was at an all
time low and going from
"a chick that lunched and shopped" to a full time Mom
was a shock to my system.
I was beyond a mess.


I was so far gone that my lovely husband dropped me off in front of my Aunts salon and said he'd pick me up in a few hours.
Being that my eyebrows were starting to resemble that of Oscar the grouch
it wasn't such a bad idea.
On this day I almost created one of my biggest regrets...but thank God I didn't.
Just a few days before I had decided I was chopping my hair off.
No time + new Mom= short hair.
Right?
Wrong.
A lovely Momma friend of mine told me to tie it back everyday for three months and if I still wanted it gone in 6 months to go for it...
3 years later my hair is the longest it's been and every day when I brush it
I think of my lovely friend (and her beautiful hair).
So what's the point to all of this?
The point is that I didn't always bat a 90% on the "I feel fab" scale.
I would dump my entire wardrobe on to the floor at least 6 days a week
(some days included tears if we had to go anywhere that
required seeing people I knew).
I gave up on makeup because nothing was easy and I just
"dressed to get through the day"...
But eventually the love I had for all things feminine-won.
Slowly I crawled out of my hole and started on a journey.
A journey to find makeup that really did make me look and feel better.
Skin products that weren't the equivalent of flushing
wads of cash down the toilet.


Clothes had hid "baby" fat, and my just "fat" fat and I felt beautiful in-
in every price range.
I built relationships with sales people.
Got samples of the best and the newest, and bought a lot of stuff too.
Some went back, some stayed, some went to others,
and some became a part of me.
(This is probably the part where you are thinking...oh geez A PART of you!
How shallow can you be?)
To that I say this..."Let's talk when I'm 60"
and until I get to 60...
"I still give my husband whiplash." ;)
This and other things are the reasons I can pull
myself together in 10 minutes or less.
It's taken 3 years to get to this point and there is still A LOT of room for improvement.


***

So here is my tip of the day:

Don't buy anything...(even if it's on the 75% off rack at Target) that you don't LOVE! EVERYTHING in your closet should make you feel beautiful :)


***

(Every once in a while I'm going to review a product or a brand. Ones that have become staples.)

Still not sure what my first review will be since there are so many right now!

What product do you want to know more about?